Clenched Teeth and Rage

    Had a 7 guest table today that drove me up a wall. Not Everyone at the table, just one lady in particular.

     For starters, when giving her bread, she took the utensils out of my hand, without asking mind you, and said "Let me show you how to do this, I can see you haven't learned this yet." I said " I apologize ma'am this was us the way we were taught to do it and its been working out so far." She retorts with well if this is what they teach you then your professor is a little off."

     OK you just insulted my professor, you are now on my shit list lady. Then she looks at me and says "Get me a new bread plate, and a fork and knife while your at it. Mine are no good anymore." This is after one use. So I put on my best smile and get them for her.

     I begin to take the appetizer orders, she wants a single ravioli to taste, and she would also like the squash soup. They get brought out, everybody eats, I get compliments on everything, When i go to clear her, I ask "How did you enjoy your appetizers?"

"Well the ravioli was delicious."

"And did you enjoy our squash soup?"

"Ha, no. I'm disappointed in the chef, this soup is absolutely unacceptable. It's to squashy and it's thick. This is a disgrace! Now crumb my table, It's a mess"

    Too squashy? It's squash soup shit for brains. What did you think it was going to taste like? That's like saying this chicken is to chickeny.

     Next she turns to her friend and says;

"Did you put lemon in your water?"

Her friend replies "No, I'm not to fond of lemons."

"Oh well you should"

"No that's alright." Then the lady turns to me and says "Go get us some lemons, why aren't there any on my table?"

"Yes ma'am of course."

I bring them back and she takes them out of my hand before i can even set the plate down and squeezes them into her friends water "There you go, that's better."  Her friend just looked dumbfounded. Then we went to pour some more wine for her husband and she turned and said "No, no, hes had enough." Wooow

And last but not least, she asked what my plans were after I graduate, I told her that i was planning on coming back for the bachelors program. She scoffed and said "Well you should go to Le Cordon Blu in France because its better, and so is European cooking." Well then you should have gone to the Esscoffier Restaurant because there french dining and how dare you insult my school. We are the worlds premier culinary college. Go screw yourself. You have no idea. -5 points for stupidity.

Would you like more half and half with your salad?

    Oh how i loath being front of house. You have to be niiiccee to people and what not, but some of the upsides are watching some of the funny things guests do.

     Today we had a tour bus come in of elderly ladies. 18 of them the be exact. There tables were pre set with sugar, creamer, salt, pepper, silverware, glassware, and bread and butter. We brought out their salads looking like a perfect line of professional waiters with our fake smiles. One lady says to the other "Oh look, we have extra salad dressing." before i could say anything she poured the half and half creamer all over her salad thinking it was extra dressing. THEN SHE ATE IT AND DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE! haha wow. So that was our entertainment. Man did that make my day haha!

-5 points for stupidity

Goodbye Student F

     If student F could get the seat numbers correct just once on the ticket..... I would be in absolute awww of what had just happened. It's painful to watch the guests at every single one of Student F's tables have to switch there plates because Student F couldn't get the seat numbers right. Here's what boggles my mind........ the seat numbers are the same on every table and they never change. O well.

     Student F happened to be my partner on the last day of class. Oh what a joy ride. I'm bustin' my hump doing table maintenance and student F is missing. Where could they be? I go in the back to take back some dirty dishes, there she is.... eating ice cream. -5 points for stupidity

Me: "WTF!!!!!! Are you kidding me? We have tables, what the hell are you doing back here?!"

Student F: "Eating ice cream... duh. haha"

Me: We have tables to take care of. Get out here!!"

Student F: "But it will melt."

Me: "Ya know what? I don't give a s**t!"

    I walked away before anymore could be said. Later Student F left unexpectedly even after the professor told her that is she leaves, she will receive a 0 for the day. How can you just leave? Honestly. Whatever

    Later we were doing wrap up in the dining room, going over everything that had happened that day. The MIT asks everyone "What was your favorite part about St Andrew?"

Student 1: "Getting more experience in the front of house."

Student 2: "Livin' it up with you guys of course!"

and the comments go on and on until they go to me. I looked around at everybody, motion toward the door and say "My favorite part? Watching Student F walk out that door and knowing i never have to work with her again." Satisfaction at last. Good riddence

Table 19

     One of my favorite events so far was tricking somebody 3 days in a row with the same trick. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool my three times in a row, put me down.

     In the St. Andrews Restaurant  the first row of tables is numbered 11-15, the second row is 21-25, and this pattern continues so on and so forth. Now the trick here is to catch someone whilst they are in a hurry. Student F was standing there looking lost as usual when another student came up to them, handed them a pitcher of water and said in a rushed voice "Take this to table 19. They've been waiting on water for a while." Student F replies " Ya, no prob." then walks across the dining room and stands there looking blankly and frantically for table 19. SURPRISE there is no table 19. Oh we all snickered and turned back to do our work. Student F goes to the professor and says "Uuuuummm.... wheres table 19?" The professor looks and says "There is no table 19, what are you talking about?" then shakes his head and walks away.

     The next day during service, someone in the class goes up to Student F and says "Take this bread to table 19 and tell them their meal will be out shortly." Student F takes the bread, goes out in to the dining room and looks around with an extraordinarily confused look, goes to get the professor, and they repeat the conversation that took place the day before. We all laugh and think this is to good to be true.

     The next day, the professor goes up to Student F and says "Table 19 has been sat, here are there menus, can you go take their orders?" Student F takes the menus ready to do our teacher proud, goes out once again into the dining room and just looks around for table 19. after a couple minutes of just standing there, Student F goes over to the professor and asks "Where is the table again? I forget." The professor just shakes his head and walks away chuckling. Now were rolling over laughing uncontrollably at the fact that after this happening the past two days, you would think that Student F would have finally caught on. NOPE.

     -5 points for stupidity

Inside Voices Please

     Gotta love when I'm taking the orders at a table and Student F yells my name across the dining room to get my attention. So much for the nice peaceful meal the guests thought they were going to get.

     Better yet when I'm standing next to a table waiting to give someone their wine because Student F never told me what seat number it was going to, just what table..... Awkward. So I politely wait for Student F to stop talking the guests ear off when she turns around, sees me, and then says out loud, not being discreet at all. oh "The wine goes to the old lady." WOOOOOOWWW!!! There goes the hospitality, right out the window.

    I apologize to the elderly woman for what had happened and asked if there was anything I could get (besides a gun to put Student F out of their misery). She kindly shook her head no and said that's alright. Thank goodness.

- 5 points for stupidity

So much for Mise en Place

     Welcome to the front of house. We are now in classes that require us to wear black pants, polished shoes, white button up CIA shirt, vest, long black socks, black belt and last but not least the tie and servers apron. In the front of house classes such as the one about to be shared in this story, St. Andrews, we are taught how to become better servers. Student F however has a problem with this......surprise surprise.

     When preparing to place a table (giving the table the correct silverware for the next coarse) you create a STP which is a silverware transport plate. This sets you up so everything you need for the next coarse is in the order of the seat numbers and makes your life a whole lot easier and less embarrassing. this however was not the case for student F.

     Student F proceeded to throw whatever random silverware they thought was necessary into the STP creating a clusterf**k to dig through and chancing not even having what you need. After I watched Student F do so, they went to the table and began to place. Guess what..... wrong table.... and if it had been the right table, the positioning of who got what silverware for what dish was all messed up as well. GREAT.

    Please, for the love of god grow a brain

-5 points for stupidity

YOU SHALL NOT PAAAASSSSSS!!! (Part 4) (That’s right, there’s more)

                Lecture time, for my class that is. Chef is talking about how facebook and texting have begun to diminish the way we interact when face to face when Student F makes one of those comments that make you think “Whaaaat?”

“Chef you’re totally right, some people are like so dumb, they think facebook is like real ya know?” –Student F

WOW. As opposed to what? Facebook is a figment of everyone’s imagination?

In another lecture Chef was discussing how after WWII food companies would put dye in non-organic  so people knew if what they were buying was processed or not. He eventually asked us if anyone knew what color margarine originally was. Hands shot up, yellow and white were the two colors that came out of everyone’s mouths. Chef just smiled and said “Nope, It was bright pink.” Of course now everyone is thinking hmm….. didn’t know that one. Here comes the monkey wrench in lecture. 

“Oh I didn’t know that. Are you sure chef?” – Student F.  

Everyone looked at each other like did someone really ask chef that question.

Chef whips around, “Yes I’m sure, what… why would you even ask me that…. ya know what don’t answer that. You only have one question left for the day.”

Needless to say, Student F should probably be put down. It’s for the best. -5 points for stupidity.